i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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