Me too!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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