I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
