I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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