It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
