I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
