Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize