I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
