We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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