Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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