I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
