I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
