i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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