oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
