they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
