Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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