I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
