Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
