Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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