I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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