you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
