Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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