Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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