so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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