he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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