I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
