one might say we're banned from that church
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
