He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
