dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My cat gives me a boner
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
