is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
