why didn't you poke me back
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The ass gains better be worth it
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