I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
