Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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