he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Boobs speak an international language.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Please don't give away my fajitas
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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