Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
