i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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