hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
