Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
