That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
