I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
