time to smoke my breakfast
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
