She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
