What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i think i just lost a toe
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
