I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
