you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
did i just pee glitter
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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