I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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