He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
