My friends, they love my intelligence
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
