Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
