APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
