I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
