I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
