woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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