mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
