I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
