Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
