You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
