"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
