you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
