I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
