am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
