I should be sponsored by Trojan
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
