On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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