You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
