i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think a kid would responsible me up
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
