I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
