So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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