Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
