so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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