i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize