Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
