i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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