Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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