Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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