And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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