shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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