Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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