then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
