the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
