There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
