so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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